10 More Tips About Going Through Separation
Separation is never an easy time for a couple or a family. It is therefore important for you to remind yourself of a few things from time to time:
Tip #1: Don’t rush – take time
Make sure you think about your decision thoroughly before you communicate it. Think about the pros and cons of separating and you might even benefit from making a list to see it in black and white.
Tip #2: Find a trustworthy support person
Talk to someone that is impartial and that is able to support you wherever you are. This is not someone who is badmouthing your partner or wanting to convince you in either direction. If you have trouble finding someone like that, look for a mediator, coach or therapist.
Tip #3: Remember the beginning
At some stage you were in love with your partner and chose to be together. Even though your relationship might have passed its due date, remember the good of the time you’ve spent together and appreciate your past.
Tip #4: Treat yourself and your partner with respect
Even though you might be in pain or feel resentment, try to be respectful to self and to your partner. If you feel that emotionality is high, defer discussions to another time.
Tip #5: Communicate clearly, honestly and respectfully
Saying what needs to be said can be tricky. You want to be honest with your partner but certain things, like why the person you just met is so much better than your previous partner, just don’t need to be said. Ask yourself: What would I need to know, what would I like to know?
Tip #6: Accept that you might never know
The one question that I hear a lot in my relationship counseling practice is: ‘I just want to know what I’ve done wrong or why he/she doesn’t love me anymore!’ Accept that you might never know – either it might not be something that is easy to share or it is not necessary for you to know.
Tip #7: Take time
Even though your friends might think it’s time for you to get out and socialize, it might not be the time for you. Ask yourself: What do I need right now, solitude or company?
Tip #8: Grief
There is no time frame for grief. It might be experienced right there and then or weeks, months or years later. Do yourself a favor and give yourself time and space to grieve. If you’re spending your time partying and joining up with a new partner soon after your separation you can be sure that you’re avoiding grief.
Tip #9: Write in a journal
For some people it can be highly beneficial to write down their story, their emotions and their thoughts. If you look back over your journal after a while you will notice how you have progressed.
Tip #10: Leave your previous relationship behind when entering a new one
You are truly ready for a new relationship when you can leave the heartache of your previous relationship behind; otherwise this is called a ‘rebound’. It’s not a bad thing, it just means that you use your new relationship to heal the past and are not necessarily able to give your new partner the full and open attention he or she deserves.
Remember: These are just guidelines. In the end you have to find your own way through this time – take your time.
Want to know more? Have a look at my blog.
Nathalie Himmelrich is the founder of ‘Reach for the Sky Therapy’ on Sydney’s Northern Beaches and specialises in ‘relationship related issues’. She is working with individuals and couples using techniques ranging from Counselling, Neuro Linguistic Programming to Journey Therapy. She supports clients in their personal growth in a supportive and professional environment.