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5 Steps To Living Fabulously After 40

Turning 40 will put you in the unique position of embracing life completely!  Here are 5 steps that are bound to help you enjoy living fabulously.

1) Heartbreak is a natural part of life. Learn to embrace it. The day before my 40th birthday I had a horrible breakup with the only man I ever loved unconditionally. I spent the entire day in tears and grief not understanding how I managed to end up in that place. Mostly, I grieved the loss of his love. Had I been more intuitive, I would have understood that I never lost his love, only his presence. It hurt like hell, no lie! But I’m honest when I say that I would rather know what it is like to truly love someone with no limits, than to never have known real love at all. There’s no merit in becoming abrasive or exacting in order to avoid it. When it happens, deal with it in a healthy way, accept your lumps, and you’ll grow from the experience.

 

2) It’s not how someone sees you that make you beautiful; it’s what emanates from inside you. It’s true. I’ve spent several years trying to take the perfect photo. I would be sure to get shots taken of me every time I was all glammed up to go out and I could never find THAT photo. One day, I was sitting outside on the patio, soaking in the beautiful warm weather and feeling my creative juices flowing. I was feeling so good I took a photo of myself in hopes of capturing that very moment. Lo and behold, my natural beauty mixed with the peace and content of being me came shining through. It was one of the best photos I had ever taken and I was proud that my natural beauty trumped the superficial beauty I’d been seeking. Be true, be you!

3) Love your body as only YOU can, flaws and all. My weight has fluctuated for years since the birth of my son. I went from being a size 8 before he was born to a size 14-18 in perpetuity. At one point, I actually hit a size 24 and what did I do? Go out and buy a new wardrobe. It was not until my 30’s that I learned I have a disorder called Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome. The first line of defense in fighting this disorder is diet and exercise. The second line of defense is a drug called Metformin which works to restore the hormonal imbalance that wreaks havoc in my body. Just imagine all the phases of displeasure I’ve been through with my body. It was only recently that I came to understand something called radical acceptance. My body is still beautiful no matter what the size is. I may not like the size, but I can still look in the mirror and see a fox. I’m still cute no matter what size I am.  Changes will come as they always do. Next time I lose, I’m not gaining it back for the sake of aging and health.

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4) Understand your relationship with yourself before seeking one with someone else. It was not until after I reached 40 that I came to understand that I was starving for affection and acceptance. Prior to that realization, I didn’t see how I acted that out in previous relationships. It caused me to take things more seriously than my suitor which resulted in me becoming easily offended at what I perceived to be an infraction on his part. Past hurt made me very quick to shut the door on a person when I see what I feel is “writing on the wall”. What I didn’t understand is that I was looking at that writing with colored glasses on. Once I realized that, I took them off and was able to see things differently. I began to use the “wise mind” approach to living which is simply a balance between a logical and emotional mind. Be a better, more balanced you!

5) Learn to look again. In light of revelation number 4 I realized that a reassessment of my recent relationships was in order. I didn’t do it for the purpose of ruminating, but for the purpose of examining my flaws at different stages in a relationship. Fear of disappointment would have me to believe that “he” is no good…but reason dictates that I look again. Not judging a book by its cover requires reading the first page at least. See people for who they are, not who you think they are. Look again.

Fabulous At Forty T-shirts available at ShootieGirl.com 
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Tai Davis

Tai Davis

Tai Davis has been an opinionated writer, thinker and poet since the 90’s. She also authored a collection of poetry titled “Mind Funk Times 21” which is designed to shine a spotlight on things that women of color experience throughout their lives. The book is available for purchase on Amazon.com.

2 Comments

  1. February 21, 2012 at 10:59 PM

    These are wonderful thoughts. Anyone would benefit from reading this article. I especially like #4. It is so important to know yourself and be happy with yourself before pursuing a relationship!

  2. Tai Davis
    February 23, 2012 at 8:54 AM

    I’m so glad you enjoyed it TyKes Mom!!! You are absolutely right, personal growth is for anyone