HeadlinersMarriage & CouplehoodThe Working Wife

The Working Wife: 8 Ways To Have Productive Communication With Your Husband

If one more person tells me, “communication is key” to a happy marriage, I’m going to communicate something alright.  What they fail to do is tell you what ”communication” between a husband and wife should look and sound like.  It’s definitely more than just two people talking and listening.  If that were the case then both people talking at the same time and being quiet (supposedly listening) at the same time would qualify as communication.

I want you to focus on Effective & Productive communication with your husband.  This requires you to be open to hearing and understanding what he is, and isn’t saying.  Oh yes, what isn’t being said is sometimes more important and telling than what is being said.  Silence can speak volumes.  You have to deliberately process what you hear and make an intentional decision about how you will respond.

Remember as kids we used to say, “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me”?  Oh how wrong we were.  The tongue is definitely mightier than the sword.  Once your words are out there, you can NEVER pull them back.  All the “I’m sorrys” in the world cannot un-speak those words.

In the heat of the moment, we lose our minds and sometimes actually believe we want to say the most damaging words we can think of to our husbands.  How many times have you had a huge argument with your Boo only to later regret things you said in anger? OR worse yet, you took to the airways (FB, twitter, texting, calling) to tell your family and best friend girls about how awful your husband is and that you shouldn’t have married his trifling butt in the first place.

Then, the calm comes; the make up sex is the bomb and everything is ok.  Unfortunately, your family and friends are not as forgiving.  Your negative and harsh words about your husband stays with them and he is forever judged against your words.

Your communication to and about your husband should always come from a place of love.  Sometimes this is easier said than done; but it’s always possible because it’s a choice you make.

So, how do you achieve Effective & Productive communication with your husband? (in no particular order)

  1. 1. Talk to your husband daily.  Make the time to just talk about nothing.  You know how we used to do it when we were kids on the phone in the wee hours of the nite.
  2. 2. Be honest about the things that are bothering you.  If he doesn’t know, he can’t work on it or help you through it.
  3. 3. Communicate the good things your husband does for your marriage and family AND let him know how much you love and appreciate him for being a good husband, father and provider. Hopefully, this will help him be more open to hearing the not so go stuff when you need to talk about it.
  4. 4. Always be mindful of your words and your tone. Usually it’s not what you say, but how you say it.
  5. 5. Listen to understand your husband’s concerns and point of view vs listening to formulate your best defensive reply or rebuttal.
  6. 6. Don’t assume what your husband means by his words and actions.  If something doesn’t set well with you, ask him for clarification.  This will help you avoid many unnecessary arguments, silent treatments and withholding of sex (that’s a whole ‘nother topic).
  7. 7. Don’t’ tell your family and friends all of your business.
  8. 8. When you don’t know what to say OR you know what you’re going to say next is going to make things worse, shut up and pray.

What has worked in your marriage to improve the communication between you and your husband?  Click on comments below to share.

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Mairo Akpose-Simpson

Mairo Akpose-Simpson

Mairo has been married for 11 years to Allen Simpson. They have two beautiful girls: Alana 10 and Alexis 7. She is a God fearing, wife, mother, sister and friend who defied the odds and proved to many that statistics are just numbers.