Relationship Challenges

A House Divided: 3 Steps To Determine If You Are Equally Yoked

There’s nothing better than a good ‘ole church home whose atmosphere is saturated with worship and allows the spirit to flow freely. You enter the house hungry to receive encouragement and reassurance and leave well-fed and equipped to continue with your purpose in life. When I was single, I became a part of a fast growing megachurch. I experienced a fresh, new Word delivered by a prosperous, energetic pastor. I felt powerful and overjoyed with how my life was transforming. Although my husband and I didn’t exchange vows at my place of worship, I assumed that we would continue attending Sunday morning and occasional bible study services at what would become “our” church. But something happened. The church that I called “home” was not connecting with my spouse.

Initially, my husband enjoyed the ministry, but as time went on, there was still something missing. He was still posing as a visitor and never really “made himself at home.” This division was creating an imbalance in our personal home. Sunday after Sunday, while my spirit was being renewed and the vision for my life enlarged, his spirit remained somewhat malnourished and deprived. We knew then that it was time to move to a church that we both could call home.

Searching for a new church home can be an emotional, daunting task. For me, I was torn because I’ve spent close to 10 years growing and maturing spiritually under the direction of my pastor and the ministry. But it wasn’t just about me. As husband and wife, we know that a strong spiritual foundation is key to the longevity of our union. I realized that my husband deserved to grow and mature–just as much as I did–if not more. And with a new church, our house would no longer be divided.

1. Discuss Your Beliefs. Hopefully, before you married, you exchanged dialogue about your spiritual beliefs and needs. My husband and I are Christians who believe in the teachings of the Bible, but we don’t feel compelled to join a “baptist” denomination or traditional church. Who is God in your union and what do you believe He has in store for your marriage? Share your spiritual goals both individually and as a couple.

2. Narrow Your Search. Church hopping can be very exhausting, so in addition to visiting the physical location, save time by first visiting the church’s website. Is the vision of the church aligned to the vision for your family? Are you open to a fast growing congregation or comfortable with a smaller, more traditional setting? Be sure to research the ministries and services available to see if the church is compatible to your needs.

3. Ask. Believe. Receive. “Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you.” (Matthew 7:7) Continue to pray for guidance through the house hunting process. Rely on your faith and trust that you will be led to the best church that fulfills your spiritual appetite. Also, consider the “word of mouth” approach. Whether good or bad, reputations spread quickly and will assist you with your decision. Ultimately, search for peace and an agreeable spirit within before closing the deal.

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Lakia Brandenburg

Lakia Brandenburg

Lakia is an accomplished writer and educator with a heart for love and relationships. She's written for Gospel Today and has freelanced for top national magazines such as Upscale. Creating a happily ever after story to be your reality.