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Be A Damn Man

There has been so much debate going on lately in our group (The Conversation Continued) and in other groups, blogs and magazines about the shortage of good men. In fact, studies have been done that outline in numbers where available Black men are, how many are in interracial relationships, how many are married, divorced, etc.  However, what none of these studies and discussions did with great detail was identify what a man or a good man even consisted of.

Let me be clear, this article is not a male bashing article and the term “good man” is as subjective as the person using it.  This article is a call to action for men and an educational enhancement for women.  But I have sat silent for far too long and for us to get back to being the kings that our queens need, this had to be said.

  1. Every male above the age of 18 is not a man.  He is legally an adult in most states, but he is no more of a man than a puppy that is big enough to be a dog.
  2. Some boys are not being taught what manhood is. Manhood is so much more than you being the only male in your house so you are “the man of the house.” Manhood requires growth, maturity, responsibility, accountability, action, respect, determination and prayer.
  3. Being a grown ass man requires no introduction.  How many times have you heard someone say they were a “grown ass man” and yet for the life of you, you simply could not see it because their actions did not fit your ideals of what a “grown ass man” would do or how one should act?
  4. Every true man is REAL and therefore keeping it real is irrelevant.  Whether you like what a man says or not, if he has shown himself to be true, then he is real. Saying that you want a real man only means that you want a different man.
  5. A man takes care of home. He works, he cleans, he shops, he fixes, he disciplines, he nurtures, he supports, he does WHATEVER is necessary to help ensure the success of his family.
  6. A man understands that his praise does not always come immediately, but happens over time.  When things fall in line, his success will come and when it comes, so does the praise.
  7. A man cries and can share his pain with others. There is no such thing as a man not crying. All that means is that he has repressed his emotions, which usually ends up coming out some other way.
  8. A man is understanding and respectful.  He understands that being rude is not going to get him the desired effect and he recognizes that things are not going to go his way all the time.
  9. A man is supportive.  He  understands that he does not need to try and fix everything every time. Sometimes, all he needs to do is listen and lend support when needed.
  10.  A man does not run from his responsibilities. Whether it be taking care of home, paying child support, going to work, church, etc.. A man is going to meet every challenge head on. EVEN when he does not want to.

There are so many more parts to what a man is and I will be delving into this and much, much more this year.  However, if a man is doing the things I have already mentioned, he does not have to try and be the head of the household…he IS the head of the household.   If you are a single woman and you had a man that was doing these things but he was not “real” enough for you, by all means, please do a self assessment. Not every problem in a relationship is attached to the other party.  There are good guys out there and they are looking for you, you just need to be ready when he finds you.

Fellas, if you are reading this, I have provided you with a road map of what I have always known a man to be. Some women grew up with these types of men in their lives and they want to know that you will protect them and provide for them if they get with you. So by all means, step up to the plate and be what you were designed by the Creator to be.


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Richard 'BigRich' Evans

Richard 'BigRich' Evans

With nearly 20 years of experience in juvenile justice, public speaking, youth and young adult coaching and intervention, Richard 'BigRich' Evans' brand of straight talk has touched thousands.