Boom Or Bust: Relationship Communication From A Male Perspective
I know it’s important for spouses to know how to speak to each other. As a man, it’s important because we need to let our wives know we value them, but that we also see the need for communication in our marriage. BUT…there are times when words are spoken that belie how people really feel. As husbands, we’ll have emotional tolls to deal with from our wives. When wives are the culprits, they’ll have to deal with the boom or bust scenario.
What is the “boom or bust scenario”? It’s when a man either explodes with anger (boom) or shuts down (bust). As a man, I must say that it’s important for women to know what to say, and how to say it to your man. Recently, my wife said something to me that came out of left field (for me), because it had nothing to do with the conversation we were having. I’ve never been one to immediately react or respond to a statement as soon as it is made. This has been a hindrance, but also beneficial, depending on the situation. In this particular instance, it was very beneficial.
Before I could even respond to what she said, my mother-in-law checked my wife, which was…interesting. I have to say that the Mrs. did apologize. And even though her mother corrected her, I got a bit of insight into what my wife thought about me, in regards to the situation. I had no chance to boom, which I rarely do anyway. But the bust, that was somewhat instituted. I really didn’t have much to say to my wife after that, mostly because I was processing the whole exchange. I’ve come to a few possible conclusions on why she felt the need to say what she did though.
1. She had a Freudian slip. Perhaps my wife didn’t mean for it to come out, but it did, and now I’ll be on guard for a while.
2. She’s projecting her feelings about herself onto me. As a husband, this I can handle. What I can’t is having the knowledge that my wife doesn’t believe in me.
3. She’s been thinking it for a while. If this is the case, it’s safe to say we have bigger issues than I thought. If my wife has been holding onto these thoughts and feelings, then what else is she not saying?
Are these her reasons? I won’t know that until we discuss the incident, and what was said. Am I being too sensitive? Perhaps, but one thing I know for sure about men; we’re human too. We have egos and feelings. Some of us can lash out in ways that are extremely non-productive when our ego is bruised. Doing so isn’t good, but as the saying goes, “it is what it is”.
We’re all flawed individuals. By no means do I intend to make it seem as though I’m innocent of causing hurt feelings. My intent is to let this serve as an illustration that we all need to be mindful of how we communicate, and what we say. Think before speaking so that the content of the message doesn’t get missed. If it does, not only will the original issue still be present, but a new one will arise.