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Church Overload: It’s Time To Make Your Family Your Ministry!

So, it has been brought to my attention that Black Men today are no longer pursuing Black women; no, not because of the drama, not because of the baby daddy count nor because of our independence….but because they are sick of trying to compete with Jesus!! How about that! Yeap, I had the same exact look on my face when I first heard it, now the question is do they have a valid point?

Apparently some of the fellas are feeling the need to shy away and simply avoid the high pedestal they are placed on in comparison with the Most High. They’re sick of being beat over the head with religion and the women nowadays dedicate so much time to their ministry that they don’t spend time with the family. What up with that??  Now, I would like to address each situation individually if I may.

As for the black male that is in pursuit; you have a choice, if religion is not your thing so be it. I wouldn’t make that the primary reason for not pursing black women, that would be categorizing us all and that’s not fair. Considering women outnumber men in every state I’m sure there are plenty of women out there that are on the same path as you are and probably at a faster speed if that’s what you prefer.

Ladies, forcing a guy to accept your religion is definitely not a good look. That is a choice you made and if he’s not about it you have to respect that. Making him feel as if he has to compete with the Pastor and holding his every move by the collar with the rules of your religion simply revisits the “I’m trying to change him into what I want” category, and that my dear is not attractive. However, compromise is a number one factor on both sides. Being a woman in ministry shouldn’t classify you as un-dateable, but you have to be willing to compromise with your time and be able to separate the two.

As for the mothers and wives involved in ministry, my husband and I are both involved in the church and we have school aged children; but we both understand that our family IS our first ministry.  God of course comes first in our household; however it is also by design that your spouse is next, then your children, then anything else that may follow (that includes Church).

Now I would be lying if I said that making your family your first ministry is as easy as it sounds. I’ve seen it happen to close friends of mine including my own family; you tend to get so wrapped up in your obligations to the church and or your ministry that you forget your main obligations at home. For example there was a story of a child whose mother was in ministry.  A fairly smart boy but he was failing his classes and his mother couldn’t figure out why. When she sat down to take a look at her weekly itinerary she realized that at least 4 evenings out of her week were dedicated to church functions, pulling time away that could have been invested in her child’s studying. Not to say that she’s a bad parent, simply stating an example of not making your family your first ministry.  It’s easy to get caught up in your ministry because of course your ultimate mission is to serve as much as you can; but unfortunately what ends up happening is while you’re investing & serving, your family is falling apart.  In this case you have to restore the pre-eminence of your family before it’s too late. Putting your family first doesn’t mean you love the church any less, it just means that you are prioritizing and investing in the wellbeing of your foundation…which is your family.

I mean to be honest it’s a great thing that this is even a discussion.  It shows that a lot of our women today are involved in ministry and investing in their religion more; but on the other side there has to be a balance.  “Building—and protecting—your home base is your greatest ministry!”

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Bianca Lynette

Bianca Lynette

Bianca is a poet, inspirational writer, mother, fiancee and encouraging spirit. Her passion is encouraging and inspiring others with her writings, positive words and affirmations to show them that there is hope for tomorrow.


  1. Peggy Duncan
    February 11, 2013 at 12:29 PM

    Great point! I’m a personal productivity expert and share this same info with my clients. I prioritize and put me first (you have to keep YOU together to be able to help others), then family. Other folks have to wait until I have the time. If I don’t have the time, so be it.

  2. February 11, 2013 at 1:27 PM

    No, thank you for inspiring this article! I think it’s great that we are hitting on this point. I hope this opened a lot of eyes and raised some eyebrows because taking care of you & your family IS first!