What Happens When Couples Marry Too Fast?
It’s a realization some couples come to after they’ve been married a while. It’s painful to even acknowledge this. How they arrive at this point varies. Perhaps the honeymoon stage wore off quicker than either of them expected. It could be that there are conversations that should’ve been had before the two said “I do”, but they didn’t realize it until after. Maybe one of them “woke up” one day to realize, I don’t know my spouse at all. Whatever the case, the couple is left with three options when facing this realization.
They can either:
- A) Ignore it, and continue on as if this knowledge never surfaced,
- B) Analyze why they came to this realization and work through it, or
- C) take the knowledge and rectify the mistake by ending the marriage.
Ignoring the fact that they moved too fast is a way for many other issues to fester. The marriage will not grow because neither of them is willing to look at what could possibly rock the foundations of their marriage. The two won’t know how to deal with each other’s quirks that may not have been evident before. There will be no intimacy within the union, and without that key ingredient, the 800lb. gorilla will continue to be there. The spouses can hope that nothing else will upset their marriage, but the reality is, if they don’t deal with the “we rushed” fact, *anything* will be a challenge for them. The best course of action is to analyze what made them realize that they did in fact, rush.
This is tough. Both spouses have to be open, honest, and transparent when discussing why they feel like they moved too fast. If either person is not going to do the required “soul-baring” that is needed for this to work, then the marriage will likely be headed for a split anyway. But, if they both are committed to the marriage, regardless of how it started, then this option can be the binding that strengthens the bond. Each has to be willing to listen to the other, and not be quick to judge how the other feels. Nor can they dismiss the other’s thoughts. Increasing their devotion to each other is goal. Perhaps they’ll need marital counseling to work through the feelings, but the goal is to stay married. Both spouses made a vow before God to stay, through thick and thin. That vow doesn’t change just because two people married too fast. If they think it does, then they’ve reached…
Some couples just don’t see the point in continuing a marriage where one, or both, of them feel like the fact that they got together too fast can be overcome. They’re both willing to, in a sense, cut their losses and go. The split can be affable, or acrimonious, but it will happen regardless, especially if no children are involved. If kids are, then the situation can get…interesting. Nevertheless, the spouses made a decision to end their union. They’ll both take it as a learning experience, and ideally, won’t make the same choices again.
Have you ever felt like you got married to fast? Which option did you and your spouse choose? Have things gotten better, stayed the same, or gotten worse? If you did end up divorcing, what would you tell others who got married too fast?