Brotha Talk

Emotional Baggage: Don’t Open A New Door Until The Old One Is Shut

By the time I met her I had placed all my fears aside. I’d finally healed completely, and unpacked my emotional baggage. She told me about her past and all the things she had gone through. It seemed like she had unpacked as well, but things aren’t always what they seem.

I started taking steps in the direction of a relationship that I had been too weighed down to make in the past. It wasn’t easy at all, but it felt so good to reach this point. I let go of all the things I was holding on to and felt safe enough to love again. Though I didn’t think it would happen again, I found somebody I could fall for and expect them to catch me. WOW…it was officially my exhale moment.

It seemed like forever since I had been willing to open up to anyone. I knew exposing my emotions would leave me vulnerable, but it was like all that disappeared.  I told her EVERYTHING, no holding back, no holds barred. It was all or nothing; however, it was a place where she had not yet arrived.

Though it appeared she had baggage free, her load was apparently hidden and still full. Still guarded she wanted what I had to offer even though she hadn’t yet let go her burdens from the past. The hurt, distrust, betrayal, and disappointment still lingered. It didn’t matter how good things were, she always anticipated what and when it was going to go wrong.

By the time it/we were done, we both had new baggage. She was still carrying the hurt they had caused her and eventually passed it on to me. It was not her intent, but still it was the outcome. Not only had they taken their love away from her, they’d robbed her of her ability to love or be loved. And no matter how much I wanted to give that back, once again her bags were so full she couldn’t receive anything I had to offer.

Because I had been there before, I really understood what she was going through. I wanted to change it, but this was something only she would be able to change. For me it was an emotional setback and a moment of clarity. It allowed me a chance to experience what I had put so many through.

The moral to the story is not to attempt to open a new door until the old one shuts completely behind you. Trying to move on before you’re ready only puts both parties in jeopardy emotionally. You have to understand that no one can love you out of your hurt. This is a process that takes time and can’t and shouldn’t be rushed. With prayer and time you will again be able to love, but not until this takes place fully. Don’t allow your hurt to hurt anyone else. Give yourself the necessary time to mend your emotional wounds, so you can give love and that new person the chance they both deserve.

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Robert Nolden

Robert Nolden

As an author, relationship advisor and speaker, Robert Nolden has taken life's lemons and truly made lemonade. After meeting and talking with many couples, he learned that oftentimes relationships could have been salvaged if there had been better communication. From that revelation came "From His Perspective" which seeks to enhance female understanding of what a man is saying and doing.