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Tony’s Tips: The ABC’s To Get Your Man To Handle Anything

Obviously there are huge differences between men and women when it comes to communicating and handling issues.  Most men, including me, just don’t want to talk about things that we know will cause discord. Yeah, we understand that avoidance really won’t resolve the issue, but we hope our girl will just let it go and move along without any drama. Now, I won’t say all men are reluctant to converse about issues, but most fall into the “Leave It Alone and It Will Go Away” category. But there are certain actions our woman can use to get communication flowing and issues resolved.  I call it the ABC’s to get your man to handle business. Let’s take a look at these shall we!!


ACKNOWLEDGE: The first thing we need is for our woman to acknowledge our accomplishments. In order to even get our attention you must start by first telling us what we have done right. Did we remember to walk the dog before work? Did we take out the trash? Did we remind the kids to finish their homework? Any accomplishment is worthy of praise in our mind.   Give us the accolades so we can feel like you recognize that we are good for something. See, once you recognize us and allow us to feel important we will give you our undivided attention.

BASIC BALLING:  Secondly, you must go into the conversation in ‘Basic Balling’ mode.  Basic Balling mode is simply stating the issue (which is the ball) and putting it in a position that we can now take the ball and cross the goal line with it and everybody benefits. I use this analogy because sports are important for most men and the concept of defending the ball or getting the ball to a desired location makes sense. When we know what we are dealing with and what the end result is supposed to be we will take it from there and run. But ladies, you must be willing to let go of the ball (issue) and allow us to get to the end result our own way. Not on your timetable or your way of doing it. If you push us out of bounds by your nagging or lack of confidence in us then you bench us and we let go of the issue/ball.  Once this happens it takes a lot to get us back in the game with you. Teammates help each other out-not foul each other out.

COMPLIMENT: The third and last one is compliment. That’s it, just compliment the fact that we took time to listen and will handle the situation. Keep complimenting us around other’s about how we handle business. Even if the issue is not taken completely care of at the moment, your compliments remind us that you believe we are handling it and that motivates us to keep that thing a priority. Believe me, no man want’s to let his lady down. We explode on the inside when we see that we can make you happy and that you have faith in us.

Try to remember the ABC’s next time you need to breech a subject or issue with your man and see if these work for you. You may be surprised that all the contention you dealt with before soon becomes a thing of the past. Get issues resolved and work toward a great relationship that lasts.


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Tony Carthan

Tony Carthan

Tony Carthan is an advocate for men making lasting relationships. He and his wife Tarenia are the founders of Marry Me 4 Life, and are currently co-authoring a book together. Tarenia is also a blogger for Black Love Forum. Together they focus on couple’s enrichment.


  1. Darrk Gable
    December 10, 2012 at 1:24 PM

    This is actually simple advice that can be effective. Men have to be willing to do our part for it to work though.