Ask The Married FolksSingle Life & Dating

He Didn’t Tell Me He Has Kids

Dear Young Black Married Man, I need your help! You talked a little bit about my situation in your last blog, but I want to get more specific with my problem. So I have a rule not to date a man w/ a kid. Of course I’ve been dating this guy for about a month & I really like him, but he just for the 1st time told me he has kids! Oh yeh, I said kids… he’s a single dad raising a 3yrs old & 5yrs. Besides the kids he’s almost perfect. I’m not ready to be a step mom yet & don’t want to break my rule, but love the guy. What should I do?


Slow down & breath. 1st of all the guy didn’t ask u to marry him & you haven’t even met the kids yet, so I doubt he’s going to ask you to be mommy next week. Him not telling u about the kids can be seen two ways… Maybe he just wanted you to get to know him for him before he scared you off with the kids, especially because it sounds like you would have ran:).  Or some may say he’s a lying, deceitful guy who should have been upfront & proud of the kids. Only you know the answer.

Since you really like the guy, I would recommend you take it slow & continue to get to know each other. Then when it’s time, meet the kids. They are still young enough not to automatically hate the other woman. Plus it since you say he’s a single dad it sounds like you may not have to worry about baby mama drama! That’s a reason to praise God right there. Shoot the baby mamas are usually more of a problem than the kids. If he is a single dad that speaks a lot of good to his character… as long as his mama isn’t really raising them for him:)

Again, I say stick it out and live in the moment. Who knows, you may end up loving the phrase, “step mom.”

Stay Blessed!


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1 Comment

  1. AC
    July 30, 2011 at 9:08 PM

    I agree with the response .. take your time. If you asked him upfront, and he said NO and then said yes, later. I wouldn’t like that. But if it was yall were kicking it, and he eventually told you .. then at least he ain’t lying to you. And as stated earlier, he’s not asking you to marry him so don’t assume that you’re gonna be a stepmom. Im dating a single dad and it has been cool. But I am older, in my 40s and it’s hard to meet men without kids in this age bracket. NOW .. don’t assume that just because he had kids, that he’s all honest and without game ..get to know him, watch, experience and enjoy. You will learn if dating a man with kids is not for you, or, if just THAT particular man is not for you. peace and love