Is Marriage really the answer? Or are you just fresh out of options? Sometimes people think rushing to go down the aisle will make all their problems go away, when in actuality if both parties aren’t ready, you’re heading down the aisle of disaster! A lot of people are slapped with the harsh reality that saying I do does not change a situation nor a person. If a person isn’t ready for marriage jumping face forward into it will only make things worse. I had the privilege of watching ‘Tyler Perry’s Good Deeds’ the other day (which was an awesome tear pulling movie btw); and within the first 10 minutes of the movie it tells you how the character Wesley is caught in the rapture of living a scripted life. Feeling the pressure of having to live by what everyone else wants you to do and feeling the need to live the perfect life in the perfect order which honestly doesn’t exist.
Now I’m totally a fan of healthy marriages, but it makes it bad for others that are looking forward to marriage when they have to see the results of a rushed or forced decision. Too often people settle because it’s “the right thing to do” and realize years down the road they never really loved their spouse. My question is do fairytale endings such as the one in that movie exist? Are their situations where as someone realizes they are marrying for the wrong reasons and instead of being victim to fear, they take hold of faith and jump out of the situation before it’s too late? Or do they continue to wear a mask for the rest of their lives pretending to be happy because it was the right thing to do? A friend of mine and I had a discussion the other day and he stressed the fact of how important it is for you to be ready mentally and be to a point in your life where you are what you want. I love that statement, because a lot of the time people are so quick to say what they want in a mate and not realizing they don’t offer half of what they oblige. He also went into detail about how change doesn’t happen after marriage, it happens before; meaning change has to start before the I do!
Due to my curiosity, I decided to look up some reasons as to why people rush into marriage. During this search I came across a few questions based on Dr. Phil’s “Are you ready for Marriage?” These are a few questions he advises you ask yourself before tying the knot:
1) Why are you getting married? Be honest and evaluate the reasons behind your engagement. He suggests you write a list of pros & cons about your partner and your relationship.
2) Do you know & trust your partner’s personal history? The best predictor of future behavior is relevant past behavior.
3) Have you planned a marriage or just a wedding? Planning a wedding is exciting, but a wedding is just for the day; marriage is a lifetime. (This particular question is one of my favs)
4) Are you investing more than you can afford to lose? If you have to give up your friends, career, family, etc, the cost is too high! If your marriage falls apart, are you going to be emotionally bankrupt?
5) Have you identified and communicated your needs and expectations? Know yourself. You can’t determine if somebody is good for you if you don’t know your own needs. It’s healthy to express your needs to your mate and know your partners needs.
At the end of the day you and only you have to live with the choices you make. Using wisdom and having faith will get you farther than basing your life off of someone else’s idea of happiness.