“Letting Go for Good!” 8 Tips To Gain Closure
There is nothing more unattractive than someone who visibly carries their baggage! Having a past is one thing but not knowing when to cut the cord and let it go for good can harm your future relationships. Experience is always the best teacher and a very good friend of mine had to be the one to tell me I was a bag lady. I had no idea I harbored so much clutter in my life. In & out of relationships without saying goodbye, holding onto friendships that had no purpose and clinging to memories from the past trying to re-live the moment. Yikes! I had so much baggage I’m surprised I didn’t run away from myself! After a very careful self-evaluation, I came to realize I simply had a problem with closure.
Not knowing how to put an official end to my relationships, caused a snowball effect which would doom any healthy relationship I planned to have in the future. A friend of mine called it “opened accounts”. Having opened accounts meant you were afraid of letting someone go because you always want to have that access. The selfishness of wondering what it is that you will miss out on by closing that chapter and the fear of allowing someone else to have all of what you don’t want to miss. This in turn is one of the leading reasons to why people cheat. My lack of closure however was more so due to the fear of being alone. I would rather have had my security blanket for comfort than to put all my stones in one bucket and risk being hurt. Having multiple hearts on my line was nothing I wanted to brag about; I yearned for that one special love that I could trust my heart with…I just didn’t know how.
I came to realize not only was this closure thing stopping me from having a real relationship with anyone else, it was stopping me from having a relationship with me! I never took the time in between to regroup myself and find out what it is that I really wanted for me.
I had to learn no one can love you like you and having complete closure is the first step to regaining the love you have for yourself. How do you have complete closure you ask? Well here are 8 tips to help you accomplish that sense of closure you need to move on…
- Accept and adjust. You have to come to the realization that it is over. Respect the time spent and accept the fact that this chapter of your life has now come to an end.
- Look at the things you’ve learned from that relationship. Instead of dwelling on being alone, try to identify what the experience taught you.
- Visualize all the benefits of your singleness. Dr. Myles Munroe has a wonderful message called “Single but not alone”. Being single doesn’t have to be a bad thing, take this time to learn who you really are and work on who you want to become.
- Stop living in the past. Get rid of old pictures, delete messages and cancel all means of contact with the person you are having closure with. You will prolong the closure if you are constantly strolling back down memory lane.
- Create some distance. Although that person may make a great “friend”, if you had feelings for him/her now is definitely not the time to convert to friendship. Space is very important during closure. Out of sight, out of mind.
- Do something different. Change up your wardrobe or your hairstyle. Doing something new for yourself will help take your mind off of your past. Consider it the introduction to the new you.
- Dating & socializing helps while going through a closure. Talking about it is a good source of release but don’t make it the topic of discussion, that’s when it goes from venting to reminiscing and you definitely don’t want that.
- Be proud of yourself! Closing out a chapter is not an easy thing to do. Pat yourself on the back for having the courage to go through with it and constantly tell yourself that your future is so much better than your past!