Love Drunk: The Sobering Formula to Finding True Love (pt. 1 of 2 )
Erica Jong once said that, “Love is everything that it’s cracked up to be. That’s why people are so cynical about it. It is really worth fighting for, being brave for, risking everything for. And the trouble is, if you don’t risk anything, you risk even more”. Well, there is some shred of truth to this quote. However, if you’re single (and even if your not) generally speaking, you’re cynicism towards L.O.V.E is probably because you’ve based your life and outlook on relationships because of quotes such as this one.
The truth of the matter is that in this day and age relationships just aren’t working. Marriage has become a mythical illusion and being single, or as everyone else like to claim it: Being INDEPENDENT, has become the staple for our society. But you know as well as I do that it is all a facade. We are relational beings by nature and it is encoded in our DNA for us to seek companionship.
I mean who doesn’t want a person that can see you at your worst, your meanest, and even your ugliest and still look you into the eyes and say, “I love you”. You see, for generation we’ve been banking on finding “the one”. Searching for that person whose going to show up out of the blue and whisk you away from the tragedies of your past pains; your knight in shining armor. This is, of course what every movie you’ve watched, book and magazine you’ve ever read says will happen, right? Well, the sad reality of buying into that type of propaganda is that you’ll slowly (and I mean SLOWLY) come to the realization that the Hollywood scenarios you’ve always wished and dream about almost always never comes to fruition. But understand that the key word is “almost”, which I’ll explain in a bit.
There are two models that I am going to present to you. Both models have four steps. One of the models represents our ideas, hopes and cycles of how we’ve come to design love in our minds. The other model is a more logical approach. One model is right, the other model is absolutely wrong! The first model is the “Fantasy” model and here are the steps:
STEP 1: FIND THE “RIGHT” PERSON! Yup, it’s just that simple. You wake up one day and you’ve come to the realization that you are done with crying into your pillows at night and you’re tired of waking up alone. You truly believe that someone, somewhere is out there made solely for you. All you have to do is just find them! So what do you do? You become the hunter. You have to get the right bait. So you go out and buy the sexiest outfits, the tightest jeans and you get your hair all done up. By any means necessary you have to look a certain way to snag the man of your dreams whenever you do actually find him. And oh, you will find him because you’re on the hunt and no one or nothing will stop you from getting what is rightfully yours.
STEP 2: FALL IN LOVE. You don’t know how it’ll happen but boy, when it does, you’ll know because it’ll be magical and mystical. It’ll happen something like this: You’ll be in the park one day and he’ll be walking his dog, your eyes will meet and it’ll be love at first sight! You’ll run home and tell your unmarried, single, closest friends that you’ve met “THE ONE”. And they’ll ask how do you know and you’ll say, “I don’t know”. And then they’ll ask well what’s his name and you’ll respond by saying, “I don’t know”. And they’ll ask you well how is he the one and you’ll confidently respond “I don’t know, but I saw him and I’m in love!”. You just know because something magical has happened to you. You get that tingling from your head to your toes. Every time you see this person your heart skips a beat. You start planning your wedding and coming up with names for your future kids.
STEP 3: YOU FIX YOUR HOPES AND DREAMS OF FUTURE FULFILLMENT ON THAT PERSON. By this step you’d have actually met that person. And by this step the only thing that matters is that person. Why? Because they’ll fulfill you and provide everything you were missing before. You start doing stupid things people tell you not to do. You start spending money that you don’t have, you stay up late, you get up early, you do extreme things all because “You LOVE him!”. This is what you’ve always wanted. Then step four happens.
STEP 4: IF FAILURE OCCURS…REPEAT STEPS 1, 2, AND 3. We’ve all been here before. You thought you found the right person and you thought you were in love so you gave everything to that individual and then you really get to know they really are. You come to realize that the person is an idiot, or selfish, or a womanizer or simply just an all around jerk! So what do you do? Repeat the cycle. Why? Obviously the person you were with wasn’t the right one for you. He didn’t meet the criteria that you heard endlessly in the songs that you sing or movies that explicitly show you what love is supposed to look like, right? There must be something in the air or the water and sadly we’ve all bought into this fantasy model.
Now if this model seems a bit outlandish, that’s because it is. However, this is the model so many of us fall victim to. Truthfully, we’ve all been here or can see a part of ourselves in this model. So is there REALLY a way to find true love? Yes. Does true love actually exist anymore? Yes. In Part Two of this blog, I’ll give you a proven model for you to find the love you’ve been searching for.
If you’re tired of the ups and downs and want a concrete method to finding “The ONE”, you won’t want to miss the second part!