“Mom, What’s Sex?!” The Do’s and Dont’s When Talking To Your Kids About Sex
After abandoning the thought of running down the street, screaming like a banshee and pulling my hair out, I calmly and openly look at her and started asking my own questions.
- Why do you ask?
- What do you think sex is?
- Do your friends talk about sex?
- What do they say?
Based on her answers, I was able to determine what she does/doesn’t know AND what and how much information I needed to share with her at that time.
I want my children to grow up with a healthy understand and view of sex. In the right context, as designed by God, sex is a beautiful thing between husband and wife. How I respond to my children will shape their views and have a major impact on their self esteem and future relationships.
Here are a few do’s and don’ts that I use when talking about sex with my children:
- Over react in a negative way – You don’t want to instill a negative view about sex in their minds.
- Avoid the questions – They’re going to ask until they get answers. Do you really want their friends being their subject matter experts on this topic?
- Tell them half-truths – You don’t want to lose their trust and risk them not coming to you in the future.
- Simply say, “Don’t do it; abstain.” – Their questions are valid and the feelings they are developing are very real. You have to arm them with information on how to deal with these feelings.
- Have age appropriate conversations with them about their bodies and sex – For girls I recommend The American Girl’s book The Body Book for Girls.
- Teach them the proper names for their body parts – A sexual predator never asks, “Can I touch your ‘flower’?”
- When they ask questions, you ask questions – They are asking questions with their innocent, child mind; not your experienced, adult mind. They usually aren’t thinking what you’re thinking.
- Don’t trust ANYONE 100% with your children – This may seem extreme; however, when you trust someone 100% you usually don’t question things when you should.
- Make sure your words and actions truly say to your child, “You are safe with me and can talk to/tell me about anything.”
- Talk to them about how to properly deal with the feelings and emotions they will naturally feel.
As a parent, your responsibility is to arm your children with accurate information to best protect themselves from predators. It is also your responsibility to help them form a positive mindset about their bodies and eventually sex with their husband or wife.