Ask The Married FolksSingle Life & Dating

My Girlfriend is Cheating On Me (with Facebook)

Dear Young Black Married Man,

My girlfriend who lives w/ me is ALWAYS on the computer chatting w/ her friends, FaceBooking, Tweeting, etc. She’s even doing it as we’re falling asleep. Sometime I feel like I’m in a three way relationship, because I have to share time with the computer/smart phone. Then the other day I found out a few of her online friends were her ex-boyfriends! So now I’m like is she talking to them all the time or how does that relationship work.  I don’t really keep in touch with my ex-girls all like that.  So what should I do, so she doesn’t think I’m possessive, controlling or un-trusting?

Dear Reader:

It sounds like you & your girl are pretty serious since you’re living together. So in this situation I feel open & honest communication is the best approach. If you’re living together, you all have to learn how to talk to each other… that is if you can pull her away from the computer long enough:)

Mn Like 40% of relationships today end because of social media, so don’t fall into that category. Now, the situation here is 2fold. 1st maybe you should address the amount of time she spends on the computer. Do it in a sensitive way that will make her feel good. Example: “I really want to speed more uninterrupted quality time together.” This way it’s not like you just want her not to do something b/c you said so. It has a purpose that’s kind of sweet. I think she’ll like the fact that she’s wanted. Also try to initiate more stuff to do as an alternative to the computer. Maybe she’s bored & that’s why she’s always on. Try talking more, going out, playing games, watch a movie, etc. If none of that works, maybe you all can set up a routine, like after 7pm all social media stops for “family” time.

Secondly, the issue of the people she’s keeping in touch with. Now this is a tricky one, because a lot of people stay in touch with their exes, because maybe they grew up together, or have similar friends. So first find ask who these folks are, then find out if they talk a lot or if the guy is just one of 2000 friends she accepted, because she accepts everyone. Then, you’ll just have to tell her how you feel about her talking to them on the web. Keep in mind, what you say for her goes for your past relationships too. I know you say you don’t really keep in touch with them like that, but who knows why? Maybe they just don’t like you or maybe they just haven’t popped up yet!

Either way at some point trust has to play a roll in the relationship. If you’re keeping your home happy, then it’s a lot harder to stray. Also another cute idea is for you to get a little more involved in social media, so you can communicate in her world a little more. When you’re leaving work you can send her a cute Tweet of I’m or just wish her a great day in one of her outlets.

Main point here is when having a live-in relationship you have to keep open & honest communication! Don’t hold in your feelings or let them build up because you’ll explode. Also, you HAVE to lean how to compromise!

Stay Blessed!

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Mr. Shannon Lanier

Mr. Shannon Lanier

Energetic. Personable. Spiritually grounded. Inspiring. These are just some of the words that describe Emmy Award-winning multimedia journalist Shannon Antonio Lanier.

1 Comment

  1. September 23, 2011 at 4:25 AM

    I think that partners cheating on us and having affairs outside is really painful and depressing. Some of the things that I feel that could be really helpful is to sit down with the partner and get a complete reasoning and understanding of the reasons for the cheating. One needs to make it a point to express self, appropriately and frequently. Also I feel that taking the issue out of the four walls does more bad than good. Thanks, Victoria. (Read my latest post on help with cheating husband)