My Hubby Wants “Space”, Should I Be Worried?
My husband and I have been having financial problems. I just chalked it all up to normal marital discord. The problem is that recently, he told me that he feels that he needs some “space”. When I asked him what that meant, he said that he just needed some time to himself to think. He has scheduled a “man-vacation” in another city and says that he will just be staying in a cabin, fishing, and clearing his head. Is this normal? All of my girlfriends say that I should be worried. What do you think?
Confused in Colorado
You’re right. Every marriage does go through its problems, and nine times out of ten those arguments stem from issues with money. The real issue here is how your husband is dealing with these recent challenges. In my opinion, if you are in a committed, loving relationship, you should never respond to a disagreement by walking away from their partner. I think it’s a major mistake to give an already struggling relationship time and space for negative influences to make matters worse.
Don’t allow him to take this “man-vacation”. Tell him to keep the reservations at the cabin and join him. The two of you should take that time to grow closer together. Make a pact not to discuss money, finances, or anything that will start any arguments. Reconnect and enjoy your space – together.
Your man doesn’t think that he’s doing anything wrong by taking this vacation by himself. He feels like his own stress and frustration are probably what’s been adding to the problems that you are facing as a couple. A lot of times, women tend to internalize the arguments, turning it into a case of, “Why is he mad at me? Why is he trying to get space away from me?” Actually, he’s already thought about what it’s going to be like when he gets home from this vacation. He’s predicting that after hanging out alone, he’ll be so at peace and relaxed that the money problems won’t affect him like they have been recently, and the two of you will be happier because of it.
It’s not that he wants time away from you because he’s given up on your relationship. He’s trying to improve it. That doesn’t mean that his solution is a good one, though. Go along with him on the vacation. He probably thinks that you won’t enjoy it as much. Maybe you don’t normally do things like fish with him, but assure him that you’re open to it and would like to learn and experience new things with him. Make sure that you give him the feeling that it’s going to be nothing but positive and fun for both of you. No matter what you do – don’t argue about the trip! Good luck, and let us know how it went.