Ok Mr. YBMM (Young Black & Married Man),
My wife & I are always getting into arguments, I mean ALWAYS, because she will not stop spending money!
I’m like seriously, what is your problem? I think she is truly addicted to spending money. She claims a lot of time she’s getting gifts for family & friends, that we’d have to buy gifts for anyway. Her biggest excuse is that the items were on sale, so at least she saved money. I’m like stop thinking you’re saving & just stop spending. It’s like she doesn’t even care what I say & that’s disrespectful as the leader of our house.
Yes we both have jobs & make decent money, but because of her shopping, we use our funds poorly. I hate paying the bills & seeing how much she ran up on the credit card & how we can’t get out of debt because she’s always spending whatever padding we have! I’m actually tired of fighting with her about this & it’s been affecting our marriage, love life, & overall goals to be financially secure.
What do I do about my shopoholic wife?
Dear Frugal Husband,
As a national TV business correspondent, this isn’t the first time I’ve heard this problem. Did you know the number one reason couples in the US get divorced is because of financial disagreements??!! I don’t want you too fall into that statistic.
So this is my suggestion. You all have to get on one accord. Maybe she isn’t clear on why it’s so important for you all to save. Sit down with her and talk about your financial goals & hers. Talk about where you want to be in five & ten years (debt free, home owner, kids, etc). Then show her the bills & even take her threw the process to you pay them all. Also show her the house budget. If you don’t have a budget, create one together, b/c you both are in this together. Even think about having 3 bank accounts… His, Her’s, & ours. Now the trick to that would be that you both start out w/ zero in your accounts & every payday you both get an allowance (the same amount). That’s what goes into you personal account to spend how you want. Everything else goes into the joint account. In order to spend money from that joint account w/ the exception of bills & groceries, it has to be agreed upon. Extra cash in that account should to toward savings or paying down those credit cards, which you all should STOP using!
I highly doubt that your wife is trying to disrespect you, but maybe thinks oh that’s just how he is always complaining, or oh he’s just cheap. She may not realize there are overall goals you’re trying to accomplish. She may also not realize how bad her “addiction” is. When showing her the bills, make sure you itemize her expenses for one month & say, see you spend $3000 on stuff we didn’t need, or whatever the amount, show her what could have been saved. That’s also a good time to tell her what you would have liked to do with that money instead (pay down bills, family vacation, home improvements).
Lastly, don’t negate the option of counseling. I know you’re like what b/c of shopping? I say that b/c maybe for some reason, she may be attempting to fill a void with the shopping habits. Maybe she’s depressed, bored, or not happy with her life or image for some reason. I’m not saying it’s you but it could be, and to get to the root of the problem consider all options. Maybe she doesn’t need a weekly shrink session, but it couldn’t hurt for her to speak to someone, even a church pastor or someone like that.
Either way getting the conversation started is the only way to start to fix the situation you both have! Ok, go talk to your lady & remember the is one activity that’s free that I’m sure you’ll both enjoy:)