Sex & Magic

Normal, Freaky or Kinky?!

“What is Freaky or Kinky Sex?”  This is a question I get asked this question all the time during my workshops; “What is freaky or kinky sex?” My answer is always, whatever two consenting adults decide to do sexually to provide themselves with pure, unadulterated pleasure is not only between them but totally acceptable as long as no one is being harmed physically or emotionally. Only the two people involved in the relationship have the right to determine what is normal, freaky or kinky.

Part of the reason society labels sexual acts that are outside of society normal standards as freaky or kinky is because a) they do not understand or have a misunderstanding of the act b) taboos, stereotypes, myths & misconceptions associated with the act c) labels that we have placed on acts that have been declared socially undesirable, and d) values and belief systems about sex and sexuality.

Unfortunately, it is this type of closed mind, judgmental, primitive belief system that attributes sexual deviance to anything outside of the missionary position between married couples for purposes of procreation only. In addition, it is this same belief system that contributes to the rising number of teen pregnancies, promiscuity and increasing rates of transmission of HIV/AIDS and other sexually transmitted infections (STI).

People are afraid to explore their sexuality for fear of being judged and/or labeled. And as a result, people are not asking questions, not protecting themselves, creating multiple resistant strains of infections; some without treatment options and even dying all because of society’s failure to normalize sexuality as a healthy and natural part of who we are as human beings.

Photo by: Michael Nagle for The New York Times

According to a survey of Americawomen, regarding sexual attitudes, practices and beliefs:

  • 17% practiced BDSM
  • 20% enjoyed being blindfolded and handcuffed
  • 30% enjoyed anal sex
  • 62% masturbated at least 3 to 4 times weekly
  • 40% used a vibrator
  • 14% viewed porn online
  • 70% needed clitoral stimulation to orgasm
  • 18% opted to participate in oral sex only
  • 17% went to a swingers club
  • 23% identified as bi-sexual
  • 43% engaged in sexual activity at least 3 times a week

Society needs to embrace sexuality as a natural and healthy part of life. After all, we were created as sexual beings so to deny that part of ourselves is to create a division within our psyche; which leads to a problem of duality thus creating a whole host of issues.

Knowing your partner, understanding your risks, protecting yourself and doing what pleases you and your mate is all a part of a “normal” healthy, responsible sexual relationship! As long as you’re not causing physical or emotional harm to yourself, your mate and/or others, then don’t worry about what others think or say…..enjoy sex and lots of it!!

It never ceases to amaze me that the same folks who place a judgment or value on sex & sexuality, or are willing to condemn those who engage in those sex acts that are deemed freaky, kinky or socially unacceptable, are the same individuals who are willing to engage in other types of deviant behavior (i.e. lying, stealing, killing, drinking, etc.) but can somehow justify their participating. To them I say…. “Let he who is without sin, cast the first stone!”  You are only accountable to yourself.  Reject labels and judgment and refused to be condemned!  “To thine ownself be true!” Embrace who you are…….normal, freaky, kinky….you hold the power!

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TaMara Campbell

TaMara Campbell

TaMara has more than 18 years experience of coaching, speaking, writing and teaching about human sexuality and intimate relationships so there’s very little that she hasn’t heard about sex.

1 Comment

  1. August 27, 2011 at 1:55 AM

    Great article. Informative and well written. It’s true that people have misconceived notions about what’s freaky and kinky. Just because it’s not right for one person doesn’t mean it’s wrong for someone else.