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One, Two, Threesome! Ménage a trois, Anyone? (Part 2)

With enticing benefits like those mentioned in part one, you might be thinking why not, I’m all the way in! However, keep in mind that sex between two people can be tricky enough. Now just imagine, adding a third person to the mix and how this may open the door for many unwanted challenges and scenarios to potentially unfold.  And, although a ménage may be an amazing, electrifying, over the edge and breath-taking experience, if you don’t pay attention to some easy to follow ménage a trois tips you may find yourself regretting the experience. So consider some, if not all, of the following “rules of play” before you ménage away:

  • The experience should be mutually consensual No one should be pressured forced or coerced in to participating in a ménage a trois! It should be a consensually and mutually agreed upon experience for everyone. Remember it’s ok to stop the sex play if anyone feels uncomfortable at any given moment
  • Trouble in Paradise. Having a ménage a trois will not solidify or repair a trouble relationship. In most case, it will have the exact opposite effect and ultimately cause more harm to your relationship. Also, if either you or your partners are prone to jealousy, then a ménage is NOT for you.
  • Get the “buy-in” from the team! Both individual must be totally involved in the process from selecting the third party person to setting up the rules and boundaries. This way both you and your Beloved feel like you are apart of the shared experience. It will also help to increase communication and intimacy between partners.
  • Abide by all rules and boundaries. Rules and boundaries help to minimize potential conflict. They help to ensure that everyone is in agreement and on the same page. Be sure to maintain the rules and boundaries that you and your Beloved have agreed to. The rules and boundaries can be reviewed at anytime to ensure everyone’s needs are being met.
  • Remember it’s just sex. A ménage is NOT the start of a beautiful budding relationship. Becoming too close and developing emotional bond with the “invited” guest is just asking for trouble. Once the play is over, politely invite your guest to leave. Don’t allow the “invited” guest to sleep over, it sends the wrong message.
  • Be sure to ask the “hard” questions and process emotions together before and after the ménage a trois has taken place. For example, what happens if someone gets jealous, what if one person develops feelings, what if one person wants to continue but the other doesn’t, what happens if one person establishes an emotional connection, etc. Have a truly open and honest discussion. Never push a question, expect or demand certain answers. Have Q/A sessions as often as needed, without pressure. Finally, processing the experience may take time so questions and answers may not be as immediate as the expected.
  • Be clear on your intentions Ask yourself and your partner, what are you hoping to gain from this experience? Will this be a one time experience or a going adventure? Why are we seeking to invite a third party into our sex lives? Etc.
  • Be sure to reaffirm the bond with your primary partner before, during and after the ménage a trois. Always make eye contact with your partner to maintain primary connection. Cuddle, rub his/her back and/or offer the endearing forehead kiss, this helps to solidify the oneness in your relationship. Be mindful of penetration. Penetration is a very intimate act of energy exchange. It implies creating a bond with one of the individuals in the triad while leaving the other out. Allowing your partner to penetrate a third party will create a lifelong connection.
  • Don’t be in a rush to “make” it happen. The ménage may not happen on the first go round. Allow for a natural progression to take place, especially if it’s the first time for you or the invited party. Ease in to the situation. Don’t give or feel pressured by anyone to participate. You want everyone involved to be comfortable and confident with the decision to play.
  • Never invite a stranger to your house. Safety over Sex! Consider meeting at a hotel or perhaps making your dream threesome activity something you may try while on a vacation. Lifestyle clubs offering “play rooms” that can be useful, discrete and fun.

Is it true, “two’s a company and three’s a crowd?” If the answer is no, then the desire or intent of inviting a third person into your sex play is a definite sign for early conversation, negotiation, agreement, and topped off with a sprinkle of extreme caution. Without it, your ménage a trois fantasy dream may just turn out to be a real nightmare from hell. But, if you and your Beloved decide to enter into the experience together with an open and honest “team” approach then the chances of having a dynamic time unfolding is limitless. Always remember to communicate and try to process any emotions associate from the experience with time and patience. There’s no need to be in a rush to “make” it happen. Allow for a natural progression of activity to take place and enjoy the journey. Making the ménage the sole focus of your intimate relationship is a sure way to guarantee that it won’t happen and it could destroy the relationship all together! Remember, it’s just sex but you and your Beloved are the heart of your relationship and only together can the magic truly happen!

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TaMara Campbell

TaMara Campbell

TaMara has more than 18 years experience of coaching, speaking, writing and teaching about human sexuality and intimate relationships so there’s very little that she hasn’t heard about sex.