Relationships vs. Situationships
Last week I got a phone call from someone I used to kick it with, we had not spoken for quite some time…ever since I decided we needed some boundaries. We will call him Sam for the purposes of this post. I can’t really say he was my boyfriend and he was more than a booty call, it was all rather perplexing to be honest. Whenever someone asked us we always referred to it as ‘our situation’. That came about one night when we were watching the Chelsea Handler show and her interview with T.I. (I soooo heart T.I.P)! Anyhoo, when Chelsea asked T.I. about his relationship with Tiny he referred to it as a ‘significant situation’ (check the 5:20 mark in the video). No matter how much she pushed it, T.I. just stuck with calling it a ‘situation’.
Hmmm this thang was starting to sound a bit familiar to me. I never pushed Sam to clearly define our relationship because I was too afraid it would feel like an ultimatum. While I didn’t LOVE what we had, I did love him and I wanted to keep him. So I willingly became his SITUATIONSHIP hoping that one day it would convert to a RELATIONSHIP. Fast forward a couple of years and nothing had changed. It finally clicked, Sam had no intention of doing anything other than keeping our connection as a convenient situation. One day I got the nerve to just put it all on the table. I asked him flat out, what did he want. Cliff notes – He wanted exactly what we had:
- No Commitment
- No Obligations
- No Responsibilities
- No Accountability
REALLY??!! That was the final straw, I was what Jai Stone describes as a ZERO CALORIE SUBSTITUTE. Sam was just biding his time to get what he needed until what he wanted came along. Just the thought chiseled away at my sizeable self confidence and for a short time, I even doubted my own value. I put my brain through a pea shooter with the ‘why not me?’ kind of questions. It was pure torture there in the beginning. But I can say it was one of the most painful and best lessons of my life. I’m thinking I’m a bit wiser for it too.
So back to the phone call. He wanted to have lunch. I declined, I’m still not ready to see him face to face. I’m not sure that I’m strong enough not to sling shot back into his arms. What I DO know is that I have no intention of being in another SITUATIONSHIP as long as I live. I think I’m worth all the security of a RELATIONSHIP and I’m willing to wait.
And that’s the #dirtyTRUTH – Stay Peachy Folks!