She Was My Best Friend
She was my best friend for 12 years. We were so close that we could finish each other’s sentences and know what the other was thinking before it was spoken. And then things began to change…
I couldn’t share everything with her like I had in years past. I couldn’t talk about my successes at work, because she hated her job…and I didn’t want to seem insensitive.
I couldn’t talk about how my husband and I had come out of a very difficult and trying situation and how our relationship was stronger than ever, because she had been divorced and unhappy with her love life for as many years as I had been married…and I didn’t want to seem thoughtless.
I couldn’t talk about the new friendships I was growing, because she didn’t have new relationships to nurture…and I didn’t want her feel like she was being replaced.
One day, I called her, and there was nothing to talk about. It was like pulling teeth to keep a 5 minute conversation going. How could this be? This was my bestie; my girl; my partner in crime. We’d spent hours on end talking about absolutely nothing…now we had absolutely nothing to talk about.
I was crushed. I’m not one who allows a lot of people into my deep, inner circle of true friendship. To be at this point with my best friend of 12 years was confusing. I was upset, angry, mad (although my father-in-law says only dogs go/get mad); I was hurt.
I was the one who ended the friendship. What was an even harder blow was that she didn’t put up a fight. She just let our friendship go like it was piece of trash. She let me go. How could she? I would have fought tooth and nail if the roles had been reversed… wouldn’t I? My hurt was so intense. You see, it wasn’t just our friendship that was lost; it was my relationship with her girls, mom and dad, brothers and sisters that I also lost on that day.
Almost a year has passed since I ended our friendship. Today, Karen (one of my last closest friends) told me to remember Ecclesiastes 3 which starts out, “To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven”.
I will always love my bestie; I think about her often…she will forever have a special place in my heart. She cared for me the way no other friend had before her. I am thankful God placed her in my life, even if only for a moment in time. We had a wonderful season together and that is what I choose to remember and cherish.
You know who you are. If you’re reading this, know that I love you dearly and pray that God is taking the best care of you, the girls, and your family.
“Sweetner for your Mocha”…Strong, loving, solid friendships between women are special and should be treasured. Always take the friendship for what it is; what it is meant to be. Let your bestie know how much she means to you and cherish the moments that will soon become wonderful memories.
Jennifer
September 12, 2011 at 11:17 AM
WOW Mairo – As you know, I can so relate. I lost a bestie who was like my sister. As seasons change, i.e. getting married, having children, caring for sick parents, etc – you never know which direction your friendships will go.
Friendships are special and it doesn’t matter how much time passes by, there’s always a part of you that longs to rekindle what you once had.
Know that I am so thankful to God that YOU are in my life. You are a FABulous friend who always has my back. My #1 Fan!! And for that I will always be thankful. Love ya!
Mairo
September 14, 2011 at 12:17 PM
Jennifer, you make being your friend quite easy
. You have been an inspiration to me in ways you didn’t even realize.
Jai Stone
September 14, 2011 at 6:04 PM
Always amazing to see you we value the people that we love, yet LIFE complicates it with very little effort on its part.
Mairo
September 14, 2011 at 7:55 PM
Yeah…I’d luv to give LIFE a swift kick in the butt sometimes.
Brittany Knight
December 9, 2011 at 8:51 PM
I’m so glad I read this…I’m going through something with my bestie of 15 yrs. I want better for her, but she doesn’t seem to want it for her self…so I’ve just drifted as opposed to having the formal conversation…you”re very brave for being ab;e to formulate those parting words
Mairo
December 22, 2011 at 12:21 AM
Brittany, just make sure you do everything you can to save the friendship. It’s been almost 18 mos and just today I thought about my bestie and how much I miss her. Don’t leave your friendship with any regrets.
Jai Stone
December 22, 2011 at 12:23 PM
We often grow up and grow apart. It is a painful part of life. It hurts to leave others behind, but if we hold on to relationships that don’t move us forward, then we start to stifle ourselves.
Teresa
December 22, 2011 at 1:43 PM
This is amazing! My BFF since 5th grade, my ride or die friend, and my only BFF I ever had, we are here in this place right now! I think of her often, I dreamed she called me, and to wake and the call never comes. But when she does, I know we will pick up right where we left off, as if nothing ever happened. We raised each other babies, we were the village we once had! As my nest emptied, I realize how much of a plus she was in my life! Missing her like KRAZY!
Ronnie_BMWK
December 22, 2011 at 2:13 PM
I have a few close friends that I miss too. But I can see how our lives have gone in different directions.
Mairo Speaks!
December 30, 2011 at 2:27 PM
Darn those different directions of life! I’ve learned there truly are some things we have no control over. I’m just thankful for the new friendships that I’m gaining on this journey.
Mairo Speaks!
December 30, 2011 at 2:29 PM
I feel you Teresa. This holiday season was a bit hard for me. I wanted so much to visit with my bestie and her girls while I was home for Christmas. I pray you and your bestie reconnect.
Mairo Speaks!
December 30, 2011 at 2:31 PM
Jai, I actually found myself significantly down playing my accomplishments in an attempt to hold on I what once was. I know it wasn’t healthy for me and was a factor in my decision.
Amber
August 30, 2012 at 2:01 PM
I can almost recite this post verbatim, as this experience is all too familiar. It’s hard when this kind of transition happens with a friend you thought would always be there. In a way I realized I was making apologies for the life I was living because it was so different from hers (single vs. married, kids vs. no kids, happy job, etc). I didn’t want to do that anymore and understood that the time had come. It’s sad because sometimes I miss our closeness, but God has blessed me with new relationships that match exactly where I am in this stage in my life, and that is refreshing!