Relationship ChallengesRevelations & Inspiration

The She’s Gotta Have It Effect: My Battle With Commitment, Fidelity and Love

Imagine a relationship where your partner didn’t seem to have the same lust for life that you do? You want to indulge in things like travel and sampling different cuisines while your partner is satisfied sitting at home in front of the TV. Suppose the problem has become so prevalent that it causes you to be sexually dissatisfied? You love your mate and don’t believe in infidelity so… do you leave or stay? This is where your belief system comes in! I’m not saying the decision is easy, I know from personal experience.

I had a marriage where I was not at all satisfied and it really took its toll on me spiritually and emotionally. I refused to cheat but was tormented by cravings for past experiences. Past lovers crept into my thoughts and dreams and I found myself very easily distracted by the handsome men that passed my way.  I also came to understand why older folks used steer young people away from having sex before marriage, this way you don’t develop an appetite for something you’ve never had.  And like any other appetite, when left unfed, a monster is discontent arises.

Alas, I remained faithful to my husband, but chose to end the relationship in light of the other problems that existed. This had just become another problem I’d been left to cope with alone. I was the one who underestimated the value of sex before the marriage even began. That was my mistake, not his. Every time I thought about cheating I thought about how I would violate the covenant I made during our wedding ceremony. I took that very seriously.  If I had it to do over again, I probably wouldn’t have gotten married in the first place.

I faced the “She’s Gotta Have It” challenge by tasking myself with working out what is a must-have and what I could do without…something that should have already been realized much sooner.  What was on my “Gotta Have” list?  I’m not telling but everyone has their own needs so just insert yours in the blank space and answer the question for yourself.

I learned that even though I was liberated sexually, I did not put my satisfaction in my own hands! I left that responsibility to someone else. Knowing what you can’t do without in sexually is just as important as knowing what you can’t do without emotionally. I acknowledge the risk that I took with sharing something so personal, but I think it’s worth it if this article connects with somebody who is standing in the place that I once stood in. Whatever you do, don’t settle and suffer in silence. Speak up and take positive action towards resolving the problem. You’ll be much happier that way. I promise.


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Tai Davis

Tai Davis

Tai Davis has been an opinionated writer, thinker and poet since the 90’s. She also authored a collection of poetry titled “Mind Funk Times 21” which is designed to shine a spotlight on things that women of color experience throughout their lives. The book is available for purchase on