BLF on Essence.comHeadliners

I’m Looking For A Submission-Worthy Man

This post appeared in its entirety on

For the past 20 years everyone from the honorable pastor to dishonorable playa has been beating Black women over the head with the word submission. And the way it’s used feels more like a four-letter word being flung at us.

For the record, I’m not a new age feminist who doesn’t believe men should be the head of their household. I’m just not interested in having the idea forced down my throat by men who are far less than submission-worthy.  ??I have grown weary of the mountains of advice being doled out to women about “knowing their place” and “letting a man be a man.” (In fact, weary is an understatement). But again, its not because I disagree, it’s just that I have heard it a bazillion times and I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop. It seems that when it comes to holding men accountable too, there is always a soft-shoe approach to the matter. I have observed many relationships over the years and found that certain types of men can get even the most ornery women to submit without asserting force. So, why does every Tom, Don and Hassan think that their gender simply entitles them to an “I Dream Of Jeanie/ Yes Master” lifestyle?

Quite frankly, Imma need Hassan and them to back it down to a sitting position until they swallow a bigger dose of manhood. Let me circle back, Sesame Street style: the phrase of the day is “submission-worthy.” To me, that translates to mean trustworthy and honorable.

These days, women marry much later in life. That means that they have been drivers in their own lives for a long time before Mr. Right shows his mug. Before she passes him the keys, she wants to be assured that he is a good driver – just as good, if not better, than her. She is not giving up those keys to an unskilled loud mouth with a boat load of DUIs. And it seems that most men are unwilling to earn the keys by taking the time to show her that they won’t to land the vehicle in a ditch.


Women ain’t about to submit to a man who lies or cheats to serve his own selfish needs. She is not likely to cater to an ego-driven, verbally abusive jerk who treats her like he is doing her a favor.  She won’t trust a man who makes poor decisions then refuses to be accountable for the fallout. She won’t respect a man who does not take an unprompted leadership role in matters of morality. Again, it boils down to trust and honor. ??There is an alluring power in a submission-worthy man. When a man shows himself as a strong and dependable driver, a woman will damn near throw the keys at him as she runs to the passenger side. So what’s the phrase of the day??  Learn it, love it and pass it on.

DISCLAIMER: There are some women who simply don’t subscribe to submission.  I can’t recommend anything for that, she is entitled to her belief.  But don’t confuse those women with the ones who are simply refusing to commit to a joker that has not earned it.

What are your thoughts on submission in a relationship? I’m anxious to hear from you.

Nakedly Yours,

Jai Stone – The Emotional Nudist

Jai Stone is a  serial entreprneur, author, syndicated blogger and the founder of the Emotional Nudity Lifestyle Brand. Jai writes about love, life and the pursuit of authentic joy. Follow her on Twitter @JaiStone or visit her blog.

Previous post

LESS TALK MORE ACTION: Should Men Bear The Burden Of The Relationship?

Next post

I Didn’t Give Up On Black Men, They Gave Up On Me!

Jai Stone

Jai Stone

Jai Stone, is often referred to as the Emotional Nudist. A phrase that defines her brand of authentic living. With nearly 20 years in the marketing industry Jai has become a well respected social media expert and is also the founder of the Black Love Forum Movement.