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The 80/20 Rule: The Grass Is NOT Greener On The Other Side

The perfect relationship; fact or myth? Myth! I have learned from personal experience that the 80/20 rule does exist. A few years ago I found myself peaking over the fence and actually tip toeing to see for myself how much greener the grass could be. But of course when viewing another person from a distance you lack the benefits of knowing all that comes with them. I must say I was captivated by his spunk and how fancy and invigorating his life seemed. Needless to say it was like a moth to a flame burnt by the fire.  It all seemed so exciting, the party life, not having too many responsibilities; I wanted to travel the world with this guy on my arm.  When we were on the scene together I was his Beyonce and he was my Jay-Z. Every touch from him made my body scream out, “Where have you been all my life?” I think it was more so my determination to escape the trapped life I felt I was living; the life that consist of more structure than fun and more responsibilities than freedom. It was as if he held an “Exit” sign to what I viewed as “boring”, of course I jumped in head first. I will admit he showed me another side to life and another part of myself that had been hidden, so that I do appreciate, but when it came to intertwining lives and building a relationship…whooo boy! It just seemed as if it went from the happy go lucky life to stress 101. He was not equipped for all that came with my life and I definitely was not equipped for the details of his. Once we expanded the relationship beyond the bedroom, reality sunk in and we were both looking for an exit out of what we were both so eager to get into.

You see the confusing part of the whole thing was because this Man came into my life and totally fulfilled the 20% that was missing from my 80% relationship. Bringing forth excitement, intensity in the bedroom, and serenading me with love ballads; giving me just enough to open my heart and have me yearning for more. Yet not enough to manage a lifetime commitment. Although we both agreed the time spent together was special and genuine; we also both agreed that it could never go beyond that because our lives were on two opposite tracks. Trying to turn a seasonal situation into a lifetime situation is like trying to put a puzzle together with all the wrong pieces…it just wouldn’t fit.  We were so quick to conclude our new found love and stamp it as official, not realizing we were merely taken in by what we were lacking in our previous relationship.  Trying to make something work that isn’t meant to work is hard work! Sometimes we fall victim to the whole, “The grass is always greener” logic only to find out we’ve sacrificed the best soil for refurbished plastic plants.  Don’t lose something that’s workable for something that will probably never work. Here are a few facts when pointing out your 20… 

  • Fact: If you look into your future and you can’t seem to fit he/she in it because your paths are so different…he/she may be your 20.
  • Fact: If sex is the only common denominator, he/she may be your 20.
  • Fact:  If it seems too good to be true…it might just be! 

In turn I am happy to say that I have rekindled that 80% relationship and we as a couple are working on our imperfections as a team.  I believe a lot of people have become too dependent on their relationships being the source of their happiness instead of finding happiness within themselves. You have to be content with you before you can look for fulfillment from another person. If you have someone that is fulfilling that 80% gap and they are willing to compromise and try to be better at whatever it is that you feel they are lacking; it is definitely worth the effort. Here are a few tips to consider when holding on to your 80…

  • Tip#1: Remember no one is perfect, try to see the good in what your mate does and bring light to that.
  • Tip#2: Include them in the details of your life, if you have an interest even if it’s something they’ve never done, include them in it. They will notice the fact that you tried to bring them into your world.
  • Tip#3: Try being spontaneous. Although life can become very routine especially if you have children you have to always remember the spunk in which you had before it became so complex. Don’t give your mate any reason to go searching for a 20!


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Bianca Lynette

Bianca Lynette

Bianca is a poet, inspirational writer, mother, fiancee and encouraging spirit. Her passion is encouraging and inspiring others with her writings, positive words and affirmations to show them that there is hope for tomorrow.


  1. May 22, 2012 at 4:38 PM

    Awesome! Xoxo…

  2. June 11, 2012 at 2:45 PM