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The First Wives Club: 8 Tips To Get You Through Your Separation

After reading the article on Rohan Marley’s engagement to this Brazilian model I am totally poignant for Lauryn Hill.  I’m sure we all remember their depressing break-up and how she went from being the an uplifting rapper/singer/actress to singing sad disheartening love songs and shedding tears during her interviews. Granted life goes on but geesh; my girl gave him 5 children and didn’t even get an engagement ring?

It kind of gives you that déjà vu feeling when reading this story because it automatically makes me think of Shar Jackson and Kevin Federline love triangle. You know the basics; the down chick sticks around for all your crap while you give her the line – I’m still “finding myself”.  Meanwhile she’s barefoot and pregnant because his insecurities make him think this is the only way to keep her connected to him. While he’s still “finding himself”. Then poof out of nowhere, he FINDS himself  in the midst of  falling in love with some new hot chick that wasn’t anywhere to be found when he was a nobody. Now she’s stuck with a membership to “The First Wives Club”. Quite frankly the whole scenario makes me sick. I guess that’s what grandma meant when she used to say, “They’re never going to buy the cow if they’re always getting the milk for free!” and most definitely these men had their share of milk!

I can imagine how defaced they were considering these were publicized break-ups!  Having multiple children is a commitment in its own. The only thing that baffles me is the weakness displayed by these women after the break-up. Here we have two well-known, talented, beautiful black role models; yet when tragedy hit their relationship, they lost themselves in the shuffle.


If I had the privilege to speak with these women I would offer them some inspirational insight and encouragement. We could have recreated a 2012 version of the 1996 hit movie “The First Wives Club” except this one would star Ms. Shaunie O’Neal as the spokeswoman. She holds her First Wives Club membership with class! While exiting their relationship with a bang, she managed to handle the separation gracefully by expanding her business and still making time to be a wonderful mother to their children. Kudos for Shaunie! Of course no one plans to be a member of The First Wives Club, but if you find yourself in that position here are a few tips to get you through…

8 Tips for “The First Wives Club”:

1)      Don’t beat yourself up about why your ex left. Just know & accept that you did your best in the relationship. Value the time spent.

2)      Don’t take your hurt out on the children. Though they may resemble or act like your ex, DO NOT make them pay for the break-up. Remember they are just as emotionally unstable as you are if not more.

3)      Own your feelings. No one has to deal with your feelings but you.  Don’t drown in your own sorrows by feeling sorry for yourself or down playing your worth. Get ahold of these feelings and instead build yourself up on a positive note.

4)      Make new friends. As a couple I’m sure you have a group of mutual friends, now is not the time to kick it with them. Going to spots and or engaging in activities that remind you of your ex is a no no during this period. Start meeting new people and find other places of interest.

5)      Get in touch with your spirituality.  Working on your spiritual growth not only helps emotionally, it is also good for your physical health. Read positive, uplifting scriptures to clear your mind and focus on your new beginning.

6)      Find a balance in your life. Don’t overexert yourself in your work because you are depressed. Manage your time wisely by adding fun activities to the schedule and outings with the children. This process is good for both you and them.

7)      Write down your feelings. Keeping it all bottled inside will cause you to explode! Whenever you feel a mental melt down coming up, jot down how you feel. Heck, you might end up with the next Best Selling Novel!

8)      Get your finances in order! (Read about it)

*Having a First Wives Club membership is not the end of your life; it’s just a start to your New Beginning!



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Bianca Lynette

Bianca Lynette

Bianca is a poet, inspirational writer, mother, fiancee and encouraging spirit. Her passion is encouraging and inspiring others with her writings, positive words and affirmations to show them that there is hope for tomorrow.