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Stop Being The Zero Calorie Substitute: 5 Ways To Tell If He Is Stringing You Along

By on July 23, 2011
distressed_lover


Have you ever dated someone and found yourself confused about the status of your relationship or the level of their commitment? And every time you attempted to clarify things you were met with a confusing commentary about ‘labels’?  Or maybe you were told, “I just don’t want to get serious with anyone right now, why do we have to make this complicated?”. Buckle up because I’m about to blow your wig back (even if you don’t wear one).

We’ve been told for years, that this behavior means “He’s Just Not That In To You”.  But some how, we still fall into that trap.  Its because your lover SAYS all the right things, but there is just something amiss.  Here’s the nugget…you are simply the Diet Coke, in time they will move on to ‘the real thing’.  You are the ZERO calorie substitute, you might be best for them and won’t make them fat…but you’re not quite their ‘real thing’. You are just the bookmark that holds the place until the reader decides to turn the page. Ok, I’m sure you get my analogies now.

Here is how it works.  People will go to ENORMOUS lengths to get their needs met.  Sexual leeches are easy to detect, but sometimes we miss the behavior when it comes to emotional leeches.  When a person is in need of support, comfort companionship, validation, etc.  They enter into relationships to get the temporary ‘fix’.  Its an attempt to waylay those negative feelings until they can hit the jackpot with their desired mate.  Now I make no judgments about arrangements between consenting adults.  The problem arises when only ONE of them is aware that the desired destination is not mutual. Sometimes people keep you in the dark for fear of losing their source of fulfillment.  Then you start to feel like you are chasing a kite that you can’t quite catch.

So how do you know when you are the Zero Calorie Sub?  Its simple:

  1. When a person won’t clearly define your relationship
  2. When a person won’t commit
  3. When your partner seems to be on the hunt
  4. When a person is physically or emotionally inaccessible to you
  5. When you sense indifference or disdain

So let me wrap this up with some advice.  I’m all about HEALTHY relationships, not relationships of convenience. But I encourage you to do what works for you. But if you figure out you are Sprite Zero…run like hell or risk getting dumped for a 6-pack of lemon lime goodness.

Related content:

  1. 10 Words That Should Be Added To The Urban Dictionary
  2. Sis 2 Sis: 8 Reasons Why I’m NOT A Hater
  3. Does He Give Really Good Head?
  4. The Failed Experiment

Comments

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Jai Stone, is often referred to as the Emotional Nudist. A phrase that defines her brand of authentic living. With nearly 20 years in the marketing industry Jai has become a well respected social media expert and is also the founder of the Black Love Forum Movement.
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  • Cindy Bivins Battle

    WELL SAID!!!! I love the analogy. Standing ovation for that one!

  • http://jaistone.com Jai Stone

    Thanks Cindy! This is one of those topics that I am passionate about.

  • Mocha

    All the single ladies, all the singles..please digest this! Well at least some of my single lady friends should read and regurgitate all of this. Ohhhh, I’m sharing!!! Great piece Jai!!

  • http://jaistone.com Jai Stone

    I’m doing a little dance as we speak @Mocha!

  • http://www.ouramazingmarriage.com Shun

    I really love this article! You gave women the information, now it must be applied! Great post!

  • http://jaistone.com Jai Stone

    Glad you loved it Shun. Please continue to support my blog here on Black Love Forum.

  • Lynn

    OMG!! If only I had read this two yrs ago!! But I got rid of that guy and now I’m in a healthy relationship :) Thanks so much for the post!!

  • http://jaistone.com Jai Stone

    Lynn, always happy when my articles resonate with someone!

  • http://devinenotdenied.blogspot.com/ Willie Anderson

    Well said, things we know but it’s never said. Thanks for being the voice.

  • Claude

    Why can’t some women just enjoy the moment? Why is it always a waste of their body or time if it doesn’t amount to a relationship? I’ve seen woman cut me off to find a relationship and they end up in some crappy situation where yea that guy gave her the “relationship’ she wanted but it was full of drama, bad sex and crap. In the end, she had much better time and collected waaaay better memories dealing with me “not’ in a relationship.

  • http://jaistone.com Jai Stone

    LESSON 101 in women Claude we prefer the security of commitment over fun. Commitment is how most of us are validated and we feel disrespected if we don’t get one.

    So a woman will go with the ‘promise’ of security and stability over the reality of consistent fun.

    The problem is NOT the women’s logic. It is whom she chose to settle with.

    Additionally, you must consider the age of a woman and where they are in life. 10 yrs ago, short term fun was fine. But now, that’s not an option.