Uninvited Guests: The Fewer People Involved In Your Relationship, The Longer It Will Last!
Have you ever noticed that the relationships you know the least about are always the ones that seem to be the best? Of course they are, because you don’t know the details of their every move…which is not always a bad thing. No matter how hard we try not to gossip or speak negativity into someone’s relationship, unfortunately the more we know about it the harder that is. An old friend of mine used to always say, “The key to a successful relationship other than communication is to keep everyone else out of it!” Needless to say I now understand that completely.
I would be the one to vent within that first 5 minutes of anger. As soon as something would happen boom! I was burning my contact list up from A to Z and thought it made me look good….NOT!! In turn it only made me look like I couldn’t maintain my own relationship, made it look like there were more bad times than good times and the worst of them all is it made my significant other look bad. This is one thing you never want to do. After a while your vent containers began to view your mate as the worst person in the world and they start to judge them based on your “vent sessions” alone. Not good, because after you two make up guess what, they still have that vivid picture of your vent session while you’re on cloud nine back in love. So to avoid situations as such, I’ve learned over time to pick my vent sessions wisely as well as my vent containers.
Now I know some of you may be saying, “Well no, not my friends, they wouldn’t do anything like that!” I know we all want to see the good in people but let’s step into the reality of the situation; they may not be against you, it just may be that they’re having a general conversation and your relationship is the topic of discussion. Believe it or not some people no matter how much they seem like they’re for you, get some kind of secret thrill out of seeing your happiness destroyed. Yes it sucks but it is very true!
So here are a few simple yet very imperative tips that can help you to avoid those uninvited guests in your relationship:
1) Avoid updating the social network on your every relationship emotion! If your significant other makes you mad, do not update saying “I hate him so much right now because he did x, y and z.” Granted if you feel the need to release, write it down. That emotion is temporary, and when the two of you come to terms, you in the end look crazy for putting that out there!
2) When in the first 5-10 minutes of being hot pissed mad; hold off from calling all your friends in your phone book. Remember, within that first 5-10 minutes your brain is not functioning beyond being livid. Everything that comes out of your mouth will be negative and unless you are venting to one of your more positive friends, refrain! Because if you don’t, you’re giving them the authority to add fuel to the fire.
3) Be very skeptical about which friends you discuss your in-depth feelings about. Granted they all may be willing to offer you that shoulder; unfortunately some of them may be lending their shoulder just to get in your business.
4) If you’re going to tell the story, tell the whole story. Making yourself always seem like the victim is no good. Always try to tell both sides to the best of your ability. Remember, you are going off of your emotions but once it’s out there, it’s out there.
5) I know these are your homies, your besties or what have you; but you don’t always have to update them on every new thing in your relationship…be it bad or good. Sometimes it’s good to keep things to yourself even if it is good news. The last thing you need is to be sharing your happiness with someone that really wants to see you doing bad…remember, misery still loves company and it doesn’t discriminate!
6) The main way to eliminate uninvited guests in your relationship is to speak life into it. No matter how rough it may seem or what you’re going through always speak it up and not down. Even if you’re going through something which normal relationships do; instead of throwing every negative blow you can think of into the ears of your vent containers, try saying how you know it will get better and if they’re a true friend they will back you on that. That’s another way to separate the people that are for you from the ones that are against you, because if they’re against you they’re not going to want to keep hearing about how good your relationship is. The power of life & death is in the tongue.
At the end of the day no one can slander your relationship unless you give them the tools! So if you put it out in the atmosphere, expect to get it back and know it may not come back the way you put it out there. Point being, if you want to keep your relationship healthy & strong…Stop allowing uninvited guest into your relationship!