Who Are You Really In Love With?
Have you ever wondered what attracted you to your mate? What about an ex? If you look a little closer, you may see some traits that closely resemble one of your parents – probably the opposite sex. The saying that, “men marry their mothers” and “women marry their fathers” is more real than ever.
Our parents are the first love story we ever experience. The men and women that fill the role of a parent can cause us to be attracted to people who have those same characteristics without us even being aware of it! Men may become attracted to their mothers nurturing or angry outbursts. What about a mother who was abandoned by her husband and now her son wants to take care of a woman who doesn’t have much money?
Women could choose a man that battles addiction. This could resemble their father’s alcoholism or work-oholism. Whether these characteristics are good or bad-we somehow end up with someone very similar – even if we don’t realize it until years later. So what is the problem? We love our parents (or hate them), but what does that have to do with your relationship?
You would be surprised how a lot of us are trying to forgive or even understand our parents’ dysfunctions by choosing a partner with the same issue. If your father was abused, or angry – you may not realize that a part of you wants him to be healed. You may have desired him to be more present in your life, maybe more affectionate, maybe more patient, or less angry. So, unfortunately women may choose a cold, unemotional man hoping that she can change him over time-until she realizes the odds are against her.
Chances are the characteristics your parents displayed when you were a child that negatively affected you will probably show up in your partner sooner or later. And when it does show up, chances are you will probably stick by your partners’ side to help them work through it (if it is dysfunctional). If you are able to experience and understand why the person you love so intimately despite their dysfunctions, you may be enduring this pain to understand your parent better and one day forgive them for hurting you in the past.
It is hard to stay angry with someone who hurt you, especially if you have a deep level of sympathy for them. It is even harder to leave someone that reminds you so much of the main character in your first love story. If this describes you and the type of people that you have fell in love with, it is time to let go of your childhood hurts and pick a partner that is healthy. You don’t have to have another sad love story, and knowing this might help you start to write a new one with a happier ending.
Have you ever dated someone that reminded you of your mom or dad? If so, share your experience or tweet me @talktoemmaj !