Sista Speak

Who Wears the Pants?!

Have we as women embraced the phrase “independent woman” so much that we have forgotten and/or lost the womanly art of femininity. In our conquest to becoming independent we have gotten so use to stepping up, taking the lead, competing and even being the “head” of the household that we no longer recognize the roles and responsibilities of women and men. This inability distinguish the difference is due impart to the breakdown in family dynamics, values and negative intergenerational patterns. Women are taught to pick up the slack and take on the responsibilities to make ends meet. Men are not being taught how to be men. And we both have not been taught how to be in healthy relationships.  As a society, we no longer understand what it means to be ladies and gentlemen. We no longer place value in developing healthy relationships. Unfortunately, we have begun to embrace dysfunction and chaos as the norm within relationships thus contributing to the demise of the family structure.

It’s time for us to us to reclaim our rightful place as women.  Now, by no means I am suggesting that women revert back to gender-based roles of the fifties. But what I am stating is that women, in all our strength, courage and beauty need to begin to understand and embrace our roles and responsibilities as women by learning create a beautiful balance between strength and vulnerability and knowing when and how to utilize the two. We must begin to insist that men reclaim their rightful place as well by learning how to step up and take the lead.  In his doing so, we must learn to follow, support and encourage his efforts. Yes, it’s ok to step aside and allow a man to be a man by submitting to his lead. Submit?!! **gasp** Did she just say submit? I most certainly did. But before you begin to get too offended and/or disappointed by my previous statement, let’s clear up a few misconceptions about what it means to be submissive.

Being submissive does not mean that a woman should give up of whom she is and allow a man to control her.  Submission is truly a voluntary act of love and belief in your mate.  So in essence, submitting to your mate simply means allowing him to do what he was created to….protect, provide and lead.

Now of course there are exceptions to every rule. The exception here is that everyone isn’t worthy of submitting to! Because submission is the ultimate act of unconditional trust, you must be confident that your mate knows and understands his roles and responsibility of being a man. In addition, you need to be sure that he is worthy of sharing, honoring and celebrating the woman that you are. A partner who knows this will not demonstrate this to you by respecting you, not engaging in unhealthy behaviors that potentially put you or him in harms way nor would he a make major decision without consulting with you.

Always keep in mind that every man you date may not understand his role and responsibility as a man therefore it is extremely important that you choose you mate wisely. Otherwise you may find yourself in an unhealthy relationship being led by someone with self-defeating behaviors that does not have YOUR best interest at heart. A man who knows how to play his role, will respect you, protect you and always keep your best interest at heart.

It is also important to understand that submitting to your mate lead does not make you weak and/or vulnerable. In all actuality it makes you a strong woman to be able to allow yourself to be vulnerable enough to trust your mate to take the lead and make the right decisions.

The more we understand our roles and responsibilities as men and women, the more we can navigate and facilitate healthier relationships.

Ladies, please understand that I am NOT saying give up your power to become totally dependent on a man! But what I am saying is…reclaim your femininity and understand your strength in your vulnerability. You want your mate to trust you enough to take the lead and make decisions, so you should do the same! You don’t have to always wear the pants in the relationship. As a matter of fact, putting on skirt every now and then can be quite refreshing!


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TaMara Campbell

TaMara Campbell

TaMara has more than 18 years experience of coaching, speaking, writing and teaching about human sexuality and intimate relationships so there’s very little that she hasn’t heard about sex.