Ask The Married FolksCommunication

Why Doesn’t My Boyfriend Listen To Me?

Dear Young Black Married Man:
Simply put, my man doesn’t listen to me. I mean literally! I’ll tell him something and ask what do you think & he’s like what, what did you say. Other examples include me asking him to pick something up at the store, & when he gets home, he’s like I didn’t hear you say that… Or I’ll have to keep reminding him about stuff, like we have dinner plans Friday, b/c if I don’t he will not remember! How can I get him to listen.

Dear Reader:
I’m sorry, what did you say:) LOL
Seriously, don’t worry you’re not the only person in this situation. Maybe your guy is a little A.D.D. & honestly can’t focus well. Whatever the case here are some tips to improve your communication…

Ddon’t talk in passing, only have eye to eye contact while speaking

-Of course when on the phone you can’t have eye to eye contact, so try to make
Sure he isn’t doing 10 other things while on the phone. It’s nasty, but phone calls while he’s in the restroom on the throne are sometimes best, b/c although he’s obviously concentrating on “his business,” his eyes & ears aren’t occupied with passing people or the computer screen or other gadgits.

-Never hurts to follow up talks with text reminders or a calendar request message.

-Try not to verbally nag. Instead give loving reminders. ie… “Baby, thx so much 4 picking up my dry cleaning from Bob’s Cleaners on 5th & Main after work today. Don’t forget they close at 7pm. U’re the BEST! Thx & Luv u:)”
This way he feels the love & gets the task. However, since he wasn’t listening the 1st time, make sure the message is specific, like the above, instead of.. “Thx for getting dry cleaning for me.” He won’t know where, when, if he already did it or is supposed to. Just a mess! So make life easier for yourself & include all the details.

-Posting a house calendar where you both can see it everyday can also help. Placing things on the fridge or front door, helps make great reminders for all. Just want to try to keep everyone on the same page.

-Although it may seem practical, it’s probably best to avoid saying… “What did I just say?” Which will make him feel like a kid & he may get defensive saying “yeh, I heard you, I’m not deaf.”  You should also avoid, “did you hear me?” He’ll just say “yes” but have no clue what you said or he may have just caught the tail end:) So then you’re response would be, “then what did I say” and we’re back at square one!

-Before speaking with him it may help to come up with a catch phase like the word “focus.” So when you need him to pay attention, say “can u focus with me for 2mins. I have to tell you something important.” This agreed upon catch phrase means he has to stop texting, or reading, watching TV whatever & look & focus on you!

-Lastly, try not to do any of these things at the worst possible time for him. For example while he’s watching the football game, or on a conference call, or sleeping. Let’s try to be a little fair, plus when he’s not doing those things he’ll listen better.
Ok go “focus” with you man.
Stay Blessed!

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Mr. Shannon Lanier

Mr. Shannon Lanier

Energetic. Personable. Spiritually grounded. Inspiring. These are just some of the words that describe Emmy Award-winning multimedia journalist Shannon Antonio Lanier.

1 Comment

  1. September 8, 2011 at 2:56 AM

    I like the “catch phrase” suggestion.