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Women Who Make The First Move Are….

…usually women who see what they want, and go after it. There’s this misconception being spread by a particular relationship expert(I won’t call names), that women who make the first move are thirsty and selling themselves short. She, like a lot of women, don’t understand why a man might not be so quick to approach you. Typically women will just claim that they’re “old fashioned” to justify sitting back and letting men come to them but slavery is old fashioned too; doesn’t make it right. Whatever you do, don’t turn into one of these, “A real man ain’t scared to make the first move” types because Eharmony will be knocking on your door by age 40 when all the good men are taken.

ImageIt’s not about being scared. It’s about whether or not the odds are in our favor. We assess the situation and get in where we fit in which sometimes means staying out. The same way a basketball player could pull up for the jumper, but if the entire opposing team is guarding him, he’ll more than likely opt out. Given that not every guy is Kobe in the 4th quarter, we don’t want to ruin our chances we might have to try another time. It doesn’t help if you have 20 of your girlfriends with you to multiply the humiliation should you perform your best “boy bye” once the stage is yours.  You find it cute but while it boosts your ego it depletes ours. No other woman is going to want to entertain the guy who just got shot down. Imagine if you saw it happen and he came to you next…..right.

“I intimidate most men ” Whoa… Slow your role. Sure, it’s a comforting thought how you’re so sexy, that while the strong may survive, the meek shall not inherit your earth….but chill.  Some men really don’t care whether you say yes or no, they’ll approach you out of sheer apathy because the part of you they really want comes a dime a dozen. The guy who’s looking for that one in a million at least cares about the chance to get to know you.  Besides, it doesn’t take a ‘brave’ man to approach you the same way it doesn’t take a brave man to see somebody shooting at them and refuse to duck. Some dudes just have their ‘give-a-shit’ knob broken. That’s the same guy that sees you coming out the health clinic in tears but will stop you to say, “Ay yo ma, come holla at me”.

ImageYou may think it’s unladylike to make the first move if you have the wrong idea about what constitutes one. The first move can be as subtle as eye contact WITHOUT looking away when you see him looking at you, or opening up a conversation with a friendly “hi”. Unless all you want is sex, you shouldn’t make any overly aggressive moves like buying drinks or winking. If at some point he doesn’t take the lead in the moves being made, then he’s just not that into you. It’s not a detriment to your ambition so don’t think you have to try harder because your face will hurt even more when you fall flat on it.   It’s a lot of pressure on men to be mind readers and know the difference between a woman who’s attracted to us or just being “flirty”, but if you give us just a little hint, then we’ll fly with it. But giving us a I haven’t had my coffee today look when we step to you tends to clip our wings.

Also understand that by first move, I don’t mean 2nd, 3rd and 20th. Chasing anyone is an absolute hell-no. Last time I checked, you could only chase something that’s trying to get away. Either he wants you or he doesn’t. Even if you win his game of playing hard to get, at the end of the day he’ll throw it in your face that he never wanted you to begin with should you ever think about leveraging the fact that you deserve to be treated right. Instead, you want to keep the ball in your court so we still respect the fact that there’s many more where we came from. Put the odds in our favor, make a subtle first move, THEN let us come to you. I’m Lance Armstrong positive this will work like a charm.

Thank me later.

-Derrick Jaxn

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Derrick Jaxn

Derrick Jaxn

Renowned photographer and aspiring author, but for now he just makes people say, "Wow I never thought about it like that."

9 Comments

  1. TheSistahChick
    January 31, 2013 at 8:48 AM

    I made the 1st move with my husband and I am not ashamed. I knew I wanted him. we celebrate 12 years next month! great post!

  2. Derrick Jaxn
    January 31, 2013 at 9:08 AM

    LOVE it! Thank you BLF!!!

  3. January 31, 2013 at 5:09 PM

    Good to know! I suppose I will have to get better at this then.