Dating While BlackSingle Life & Dating

Yeah, He Used You

I got my first question! I found this in my inbox last night, although this isn’t necessarily a Q&A column, I am much obliged to help in any way I can.

I like this guy. He told me he liked me but now he is seeing someone. Should I move on? 

I have been meeting up with this guy for about 4 months now, we meet up for sex and have gone out for drinks before once. We cuddle after sex and he kisses me goodbye and we talk when we meet up too. He told me he liked [me] about 1 and a half months ago, he is 31 and I’m almost 19. He recently told me he is seeing someone so we can no longer meet up and have sex, should I just move on? Does he like me but is too scared to take it any further because of the age difference? He told me he has a lot of time for me, what does that mean?  ~An Alternative Girl

Oh the irony…ummm sweetheart….he was using you.  And to answer your question…YES, you should indeed without a shadow of a doubt MOVE ON.

And there are a couple of reasons why. For starters, I’m looking at the word choices you’re using…

“Meet up for sex”

“4 months…gone out for drinks once”

“He’s 31 and I’m ALMOST 19”

“He told me recently he’s seeing someone, so we can no longer meet up”

I’m really not sure where to start first…there’s just so many places…

The age thing is a huge concern, you’re ONLY 19! Almost at that!  He’s 31. He’s been around the block, up the street, pass the corner, and back. There’s no real way you and him could ever have a real relationship, especially if the only thing you two were doing was “bumping uglies”.

The truth of the matter is this… and I REALLY hate to say it, but you were convenient and easy. So what he kisses you goodbye and cuddles with you, that’s just proper bedside etiquette (more on that later). He knows you need that to solidify the show he’s putting on. And it’s definitely NOT because he’s scared or because of the age difference, he just doesn’t want to. He’s already told you that you guys can no longer meet up, and trust, that isn’t code for “try harder”. And he says he has a lot of time for you, but it’s only to have sex. And for real, that means absolutely nothing.

Basically, he’s moved on and again… so should you; the quicker the better. Take it as a lesson learned doll; your life is JUST beginning!  And PLEASE PLEASE put more worth on yourself and your time, don’t settle for the occasional rump around when YOU know you’re worth WAY more than that.


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B. Knight

B. Knight

Her name is Brittany Knight, but you can call her “B” as everyone else does. She is a driven right brained individual residing in Atlanta, GA, and the first thing you should know about her is that she is a writer…period. Directly following that is dreamer.